I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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