im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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