South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
