he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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