The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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