He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
