Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need a burrito and a hug.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
