uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
