yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize