last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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