I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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