I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
