sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
