so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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