dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
