Duck Duck Cougar?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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