so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
