i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
why does every cop we meet know your name?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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