SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
