Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
