It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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