I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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