I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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