There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
