My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
