Kiss
Puke
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
