i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
