For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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