She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
