I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
