I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
