apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
