Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
