God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
