My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
