She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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