I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
