WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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