So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I seem to have left my pride at pride
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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