we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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