He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
