I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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