If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
