You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
