Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
