I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
