we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What a dumb baby whore.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
