I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
