I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I looked at my own cervix.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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