I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
