who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize