You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
