All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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