she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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