Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
