i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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