So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
