Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
