I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
