Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
