he looks like a really good dad on facebook
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
