I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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