You made me cry and you don't even care
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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