How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
