these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
