the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
