GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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