Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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