He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
3 2 1 whiskey
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
