dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
