ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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