you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
