It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
