i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
