just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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