You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
