Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
