if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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