dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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